My Hopes For You 

I hope one day you wake up wrapped in pain. And on that day I hope an image of me floats to the front of your brain, taking over the entire vicinity of your mind. I hope that your heart burns like fire, leaving your black soul a little more charred than before. I want you to feel what I felt. So here is a tip, prepare yourself for several consecutive days of laying in bed with no emotion. And for a trip to the land of pure sadness. I hope one day you are standing on the sand before the wide open ocean and your heart cracks just a little because the beauty of the waves reminds you of me. I hope you are at a restaurant on a particularly snowy day and you think back to the moments when I would stand under the snowflakes with my eyes closed letting them brush over my rosy cheeks. It may seem ridiculous but I have hopes for you. Some that will cause you spontaneous pain and some that will leave you breathlessly happy. I hope you end up on a rooftop one night with the love of your life. And I want you to share with her the details of my being and the way I pissed you off like no other.  I hope you are sitting in a college lecture hall, in front of your crabby professor and MacBook, with a note page scrawled with my name and my face. If my hope comes true, your mind will be so utterly confined on the subject of me that you will be flooded with regret and remorse. I hope one evening your phone dings and just for a second you wish it was me. I even want you to remember my tears. And the ugly puffiness that formed under my eyes and the love I had for your baggy sweatshirts. But most of all, I hope that you will be happy. I hope you get to travel the world and experience the places I dreamed of holding your hand in. I hope your college career is flawless, full of  parties, and late night study sessions with the coffee you hate dripping down your throat keeping you from the naps you wish to take. And once the bustle of our pre adult life settles down, I hope you figure out your place in this world. I hope your kids jump on your back, twisting your brown hair in between their chubby fingers, repeatably saying the words I love you. I hope you get as much joy as you gave me from looking into your wife’s eyes (or husband’s you never know what could happen;)). I hope you never forget my shyness that came out right before the waiter asked what I wanted to eat, and I hope you never forget how much I cared. I hope you recognized my passion and still remember my dreams. I hope you will be ceaslessly happy, living exactly where you are supposed to be, surrounded by those who love you an amount that simply cannot be put into words. My hopes are useless at this point. You’ll always be doing what you want to be doing, ignoring what you dont. But if my hopes come true you will be periodically hurting in a world of pure amazement.

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