Ready for Bigger and Better Things

All my life I have felt out of place and ready to escape. It’s not because of a flaw in my character or due to a physical imperfection. It’s because at this age no one understands. Our brains succumb to an egotistical nature and our bodies yearn perfection. If you have one bump in your being you are automatically looked at as different.  It’s the walls of high school that bring out the monster in people. Everyone learns to hide their weak blemishes, for if we expose them we are at risk for judgment and pain. High school is a place where dreams flutter but never fly. It’s a place where even the nicest souls turn black once in awhile. How can you exist in these halls and flourish mentally. You can’t. I think we blossom after high school. After high school is when we learn to be independent and to recognize the beauty in the struggle. Here, at age seventeen, I see my battles as terrible things. I cannot find the good in bad things. So my hope is that as we progress as human beings I can learn to pinpoint every amazing little detail of life. I find that high school blurs my vision. I’m constantly being reminded by my mom that this is the most minute portion of life and that things can only go up from here, but still I’m sitting here comtemplating why the atrocities of adolescence restrict me from feeling apart of something. I feel out of place because I sit with my friends and mere acquaintances in awe of their stupidity and drama. How can the most important thing be discussing the party of the year. Don’t get me wrong. Fun is good. Socializing is good. But for goodness sakes tell me about your hopes and dreams. And about the fight you and your mom got in that left you bent over gasping for air. Care about me and how I actually feel for once and I will do the same in return. High school truly does bring out the monster in people. I don’t fit in because I don’t see many genuine hearts or open hands. It’s a jungle of animals fighting for approval. My point here is that there are better things than now- no matter how wonderful high school is in your eyes. I am anticipating fun college parties and excitment pertaining to obtaining my major. I’m anticipating a sense of calmness wash over me as I hold my little girls hand walking in the park. There are better things than being trapped feeling alone. As much as this sounds like a terrible review of high school, it’s not. Each year gets better and each year we learn, but I long for the days outside of these walls when I’m stressed about real problems and not what to wear to impress that cute boy. Bring me to the real world. One where I can at least have a fair shot at feeling connected.

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